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....Estranged Couples are All Estranged in Their Own Ways

August 23rd, 2011 at 06:33 am

.... to paraphrase Tolstoy.

My wife and I have been separated but living in the same place for a long time. We did it for the kids, as so many people say, but as our kids become adults (they are 17, 19 and 23, with the 17-year old in many ways being the most mature) I wonder if what we did was the best for them.

When we were in our 30s and 40s we had a lot of friends with kids our age who divorced, starting a many year process of kids shuffling from place to place. But I see those kids and ex-couples now and they have for the most part entered into a new normal with a good level of contenment that my wife and I can't get to as long as we are together.

We have been homeowners, i.e., mortgage payers, for almost 20 years. Most of that time, we have kept separate checking and savings accounts. For the first 10 years or so I paid the mortgage out of my income and we bascially split the property taxes. For the last five to seven years, we flipped and my wife has paid the mortage and half to more of the property taxes.

During this last period, I paid for most of the kids' expenses -- school costs (for a time private school but in the last five years only public high school costs), braces, summer activities, music lessons, etc.

I posted a summary of my budget a couple of posts ago because at some point -- next month, next year, in five years -- my wife will move on. Or, if the kids are all out of the house then -- I will move on. so I needed a realistic view of what I could afford---which isn't much.

In the short term, my wife is around, contributing to the groceries and the property taxes. but that will and should change and I need to be prepared.

A Crisis Comes At the Most Inconvenient Time

August 23rd, 2011 at 05:59 am

The event that sparked me to look for this blog and start bogging again involves dentistry. I have coverage for me and my family through work. Over the years it has covered regular check ups for everyone, braces for two of three kids, wisdom teeth surgery for a couple of us, and a couple of root canals.

Now my wife and I are in the middle of (her) and facing (me) extensive dental work. The annual benefit is "only" $1500 -- I put that in quotes because I recognize that some people have no coverage.

Yesterday, she realized that she had maxed out on this year's coverage, and owed about $1,000, and still had more work to do.

I'm scheduled to go in for a root canal tomorrow and will need some sort of bridge or something when I'm all done -- again, something that will cost more than the annual benefit.

Needless to say, and based on my previous post, none of this is in the budget. I'm still on the fence about cancelling tomorrow's appointment because I'm facing about a $300 to $400 co-pay that I will have to come up with tomorrow.

Five Years Later

August 23rd, 2011 at 05:32 am

You would think that a person could improve himself financialy over five years, but no. I had forgotten that I had started this blog so long ago and it was a little pathetic to see that nothing has changed in five years.

Well, age has happened . . . five years ago I don;t think i posted much about what it felt to be in my late 40s and I could now post a lot about what it feels like to be in my early 50s.

Desperation brought me back here, and the surprise that I had tried a few times to post about my money situation in the hope of . . . well, I'm not sure what I was hoping for.

Perhaps I can make a difference this time around.

The situation at this point -- my wife and I are still estranged, but still living together. She has her own business -- I work at the same place (thankfully, doing new things every year) that I have worked at for 25 years.

My wife still follows the the Laws of Attraction, though I really can't say it has helped her at all -- any success she has had in her business has come about through her hard work, not through a mystical alignment of forces.

Recently, she has been trying to buy a piece of property, as both a place of business and as a placeto move to. It is, of course, a buyer's market, but she does not have anywhere near enough money to afford a piece of property. Since this is a place of business, she is trying to get investors involved.

In an attempt to make a movement toward owning our current home, we recently re-financed. She had been the only person on the note, because when we re-financed last about 7 years ago, my credit score made it difficult for us to qualify.

This time around, I assumed the mortgage, so she would not have it on her credit history (other than her years of perfect payments). I start payments in a week.

Taking over the mortgage is within my means -- the killer around here is the property taxes. The combined monthly mortgage and property taxes is about $2500 -- the property taxes themselves are $900.

I recently put together a budget based on current income and current fixed expenses. Starting with my gross pay -- taxes, 401(k) contributions and loan paybacks, and insurance premiums amount to 39 percent of my gross biweekly paycheck.

Of the remaining monthly net, mortgage and property taxes account for 52 percent.

Then I added up the other fixed costs, you know, the things that will generate a phone call or a repossession or a cutting off of service if they aren't paid --

When I subtracted all of that, I was left with $568 on a monthly basis for food, gas money, etc.

I haven't mentioned the kids. Two college age, the last entering college next year. I will save that situation for another post.
We have saved nothing for college. WE paid for one year of the eldest

Hardly Spending Days

November 28th, 2006 at 04:19 am

I did my part over the holiday weekend. I spent nothing on Friday and Saturday. Sunday, I bought the local newspapers and, when a valve under the kitchen sink broke, I spent $6 on a new valve that I installed myself, using borrowed tools. (That's the first time I ever attempted this type of plumbing job, so I saved about $100 minimum doing it myself.) I spent $10 to top off my gas tank yesterday morning. I plan on spending nothing today.

This is NOT the same as bringing in more money, but it is the second best thing.

Blue Thanksgving -- Edited

November 25th, 2006 at 06:23 am

[for some reason I couldn't edit this post the usual way, so . . .]

Well, I haven't moved an inch in resolving any of my money situations since I started this blog six weeks ago. I haven't even kept up with a committment to continue posting here . . . or to start tracking what I spend.

This year, like all Thanksgivings, I got paid on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Made the week before go by effortlessly -- woo-hoo! I get paid early. "Splurged" and got shoes for all three of my kids. Bought unbudgeted tickets for a holiday performance my daughter is performing in. Made good on a couple of unpaid bills. Paid some current bills.

Thanksgiving morning, I realized I had spent all my paycheck, except maybe enough to but gas for the car for two weeks.

And, of course, the next paycheck, coming on the usual Friday, is two days LATER than this one.

My wife (we're estranged but still living in the same place) is a proponent of the Laws of Abundance, that mystical (though some might say self-evident) approach to money. I've read the books she has pushed on me and I've made faint-hearted attempts to greet each day with an acknowledgement that the world is an abundant place, that every dollar I need is already there in the universe.

But it doesn't last.

What gets me through the weekend is knowing that I have only one unpaid bill that is likely to generate a phone call, and that I may get through the weekend without having to spend any more money.

But mentally and psychically, I feel bankrupt. Which, of course, is the opposite of feeling abundant.

- - - -

An important addendum -- the Friday before Thanksgiving my wife was in a serious car accident. She's fine -- she walked away from a crash scene in which four cars were totalled. Insurance will take care of any lingering health issues, as well as the car replacement. There is the mental trauma she has to overcome, plus the inevitable hassles of dealing with insurance companies and car dealers.

So, the basic thanksgiving this year, especially for our three kids, was that she survived. Material goods and needs pale in comparison.

Laws of Attraction

October 17th, 2006 at 09:58 pm

Are there people on this site who write about the Laws of Attraction -- the notion that thinking and acting positively about money and abundance and thinking and worrying about money and lack of abundance will keep you poor?

I'll admit that I'm very skeptical of the concept. I am by nature an optimist, except when it comes to money, where I see six months down the line and can see what I will be bringing in and what will be going out.

Although I don't look six months down the line -- I usually look two weeks down the line, to the next paycheck, and now, I'm looking two days down the line, when I have to buy gas again and I don'y have the money to do so.

Low Balance

October 17th, 2006 at 03:32 pm

So, what do you usually do when you you are 10 days away from payday and you have 20 dollars in your bank account, not even enough to keep your gas tank full until the next paycheck rolls around?

Aside from the initial negative body reaction when you realize you've underestimated what was in your account by $150, how do YOU react when you are faced with this situation?

This isn't a short-term situation, by the way. The next paycheck, in 10 days, is already almost all accounted for. and I'm already late on paying bills. so, i'm in a hole that's getting deeper.

Today is The First Day

October 9th, 2006 at 12:57 pm

So what brings me to this semi-anonymous blogging site?

I have a good-paying job (above the median), a house, three kids, a hefty mortgage, too much consumer credit, and less than $100 in my checking account.

My wife works -- self-employed -- but our marriage is dissolving, so we have spent the last couple of years trying to keep our finances separate.

Neither one of us can afford to buy the other out of his/her share of the yhouse's equity, so we live together in terse, slightly tense companionship.

I am perputally short of money at the end of a pay period.

I have a 401(k) -- underfunded, but it's there. (I also have two loans from it that I am paying back, so I can't depend on it for any short-term help at the moment).

I pay for the family's health insurance through work. I have life insurance so the family is protected financially if something happens to me.

I have no savings (I have a savings account, but there's 32 cents in it) and a checking account that it down to zero every two weeks.

I have about $7,000 in consumer credit (three cards) and a brand new car payment (I just replaced a 12-year-old car that had 180,000 miles on it).

I have a fair amount of deferred maintenance around the house. The basics are OK -- the roof is solid, the furnace is just a couple of years old.

But I can't do simple things like contemplate the $300 it will take to buy a new garbage disposal and get it installed. Or fix up the basement so the kids have a space away from the main floor to hang out with friends. My eldest will start college next fall and we have zero dollars saved for this.

So, that's where I've living now. It's a beautiful long fall weekend and I couldn't even contemplate a day trip out of town because I don't have the money for gas and wouldn't have any money to spend on things like food once we got out of town.